This time last year, I was ending my 2016 blog post with the following resolution:
I decided not to make too many plans for 2017. I have one main goal this time – become even better at dealing with change.
Ha! Be careful what you wish for, they say. And that is exactly what the main theme of my year was: CHANGE. It feels like I made it full circle. I’m in the same place while writing this, physically, going to spend NYE in the same bar, with the same friends, but so much has changed.
2017 was a rollercoaster. I went head-first into changing everything in my life: a new job, a new relationship, a new hobby, a new career, a reality check… 2017 was full of action. It’s like I can’t help myself always trying to achieve more or tackle the next thing on my list. Which, in its essence, is not a bad thing. But what I soon began to notice is that the speed with which I generated change caught up with me and I lost balance. I struggled in the face of immense happiness but also great pain.
My year was paved with extremes and contradictions.
But the beauty of such highs and lows is that they generate personal growth.
I learned so much, I proved once again I can do whatever I set my mind to, I met amazing people, I made new friends, I quit two jobs (one of which twice), I cooked for 30 people in one evening, I reached almost 3000 others on my social media channels, I didn’t buy a £300,000 tiny flat in London, I struggled with anxiety again, I traveled, I loved, I got hurt, I lived the full spectrum of emotions.
I find myself at the end of this year hopeful; brave enough to face my fears and look them in the eyes until they dissipate. Strong enough to try again. Loved. Grateful.
I end this year with a rebirth from the ashes of ‘I always have to do the right thing’, ‘I care about what other people think’, ‘I have to have a plan’, ‘I have to do everything perfectly’, ‘I have to struggle for success’.
I am letting go of ‘have to’, ‘right’, ‘always’.
I am keeping my passion, my honesty, my self-awareness, my wisdom, my growth, my scars, my hope.
My gift to myself, before I turn 30 next year, is to do whatever I want, fearlessly and passionately. And to NOT feel guilty about my choice to live this way. (which for a perfectionist, ‘what would people say?’ kinda person, is a huge leap of faith)
Happy New Year! And may it bring you what you dream of, work for, hope for, can’t even imagine could happen. (in a positive way)
MY 2017 IN PHOTOS – this gives me immense happiness and gratitude for EVERYTHING. I recommend this exercise so you can realise just how much you’ve done, lived, seen, achieved, lost, conquered, learned, laughed, cried, grew.